Korean values are based on Confucian ideals. They believe that relationships should be structured hierarchically. Korea is also a homogeneous country where it is believed that Confucian ideals should apply to all people, whether the person is Korean or a foreigner.
Koreans will often tell you that Korean values are difficult for foreigners to understand. They are not. As I will explain later, Koreans often believe that they should not look "intellectually superior" to the person they are talking to, thus keep technical explanations to themselves. I will explain the five relationships as defined by Confucian ideals and the five sentiments by which Koreans live. The five relationships are:
- Relationships between the ruler and the ruled
- Relationships between parents and their children
- Relationships between a husband and his wife
- Relationships between an elder and a younger person
- Relationships between friends of equal age
There are also six sentiments by which Koreans live, which are:
- Chaemyon (face): Koreans want to preserve their reputation intact at all costs.
- Bunuigi (atmosphere): Koreans don't want to look intellectually or materially inferior to their group.
- Nunchi (eyesight): Koreans expect other people to read their body language when something is wrong.
- Kibun (feeling): Koreans want their feelings to be positive and don't want people to spoil their feelings.
- Jeong (compassion): Koreans believe it is important to be compassionate when someone is in difficulty
- Han (endurance of difficulties): Koreans believe that people should not complain when they are going through tough times.
Koreans would often tell me that such concepts were very difficult for foreigners to understand. In fact they are very simple. If you spend a few days with Koreans at work, in a college or living with a family, you will notice that they often apply these principles on a daily basis.
Relationship between the ruler and the ruled (the king and his subjects)
"Rulers" or supervisors often try everything to make their subordinates dependent upon them. It is believed that subordinates should owe everything to their supervisors. Supervisors thus sometimes sponsor their subordinate's loans or rent them apartments for free to make sure that subordinates have no payment guarantees or no place to stay in case they leave the company.
This dependence to rulers can affect foreigners. Expats in Korea are required to have a "visa sponsor" which is often their boss. If they leave the company, expats break the dependence to their boss. The Korean government believes that if they break that dependency they "betray" their boss, and are therefore not allowed to get a new job with the same visa in Korea.
Relationship between parents and their children
Koreans believe that children depend on their parents. When Americans reach a certain age, they believe that they can get a job and live independently from their parents. Koreans believe that there is a lifelong dependency of children over parents. As with supervisors, parents sometimes buy apartments to their children to prolong the dependency. Parents will also take care of their grand children in Korea, a country where there is a shortage of pre-schools, and sometimes give large amounts of money to their children or sponsor loans for their children.
Relationship between a husband and a wife
Koreans believe that wives should be dependent on their husbands. They are encouraged not to work in order to take care of their husbands and children. Few Korean companies hire married women. This means that if a woman wants to divorce, it is considered that she "betrays" this dependence. Korean wives who divorce, are therefore legally entitled to no alimony and the husband keeps everything upon divorcing. They are also socially stigmatized as having "betrayed" their husbands.
Relationship between an elder person and a younger person
In original Confucian texts, this relationship was defined as the relationship between an "older brother" and a "younger brother". However Koreans consider that anyone to whom we are somehow related and who is older is an "older brother". Older people also try everything make younger people dependent upon them. They will pay for their lunches and dinners, and guide younger people when they are in difficulty. However, older people are not expected to turn to their younger acquaintances when they need money or advice.
Relationships between friends of equal age
Relationships between friends of equal age are similar to relationship between most people in the United States. Friends who have the same age help each other, give each other advice and hang out with each other. They don't censor each other and are direct and honest to each other. Although technically Koreans can only engage in this type of relationship if they were born the same year, some Korean, especially women, can engage in this type of relationship when the age gap is more or less 5 years.
The concept of "Chaemyon" or saving face in Korea
The notion of face is similar to the notion of reputation. Koreans value their reputation and do not want it to be damaged in public. They don't want to be criticized in public or to make mistakes in public. They don't want to appear in public until they are convinced that all they can get is praise. Criticism in private however is very common. Only those of a higher status can criticize those who have a lower status.
The concept "bunuigi" or maintaining a harmonious atmosphere
You may have noticed that Koreans don't like showing off that they have money or material possessions. Koreans frown upon those who may have superior knowledge or more material goods. A "harmonious atmosphere should always be preserved in public".
You may have noticed that Korea's elite does not show off its material goods or possessions. Koreans also dislike discussing concepts that people may not understand or may not have previous knowledge of. Koreans believe that ideally, people should appear to have equal knowledge and material possessions in public. This is why, for example, pharmacists or computer engineers can refuse to explain to you the technical aspects of the medication or computer.
Another aspect of "bunuigi" is that harmony should be maintained at all times. This means that some Koreans would rather lie or make fake compliments than tell the actual truth. This can also mean that Koreans can make promises that they will not keep. Perhaps the best way to translate "bunuigi" would be harmonious atmosphere.
The concept of "kibun" in Korea
If Koreans believe that their reputation has been damaged or that they are with a group of superior knowledge or material possessions, they "kibun" is damaged. This means that they feel bad or a little depressed. Foreigners should thus make sure that they don't damage Korean's "kibun".
In order not to damage people's kibun, Koreans may say things or make promises that they will not be able to keep. Koreans often try to find out what the other person likes to hear, and tell it to them. For example, back when I was looking for a job, a recruiter had promised me a teaching position at a university because I wanted to teach and I have a Masters degree. In the end, that recruiter offered me a position as a receptionist. The best way to translate "kibun" would be "mood".
The concept of "nunchi" in Korea
Koreans are indirect communicators for three reasons: ideally, they do not criticize other people in public , they do not directly show off their material goods or intellectual knowledge and they do not want to damage other people's mood. Thus, in order to tell if someone is uncomfortable in public, they don't ask them directly, but simply rely on their "nunchi" (eyesight). Koreans may often tell you that "my nunchi said that you didn't feel comfortable so I decided to leave". Koreans often translate "nunchi" by "eyesight" or "intuition".
The concept of "jeong" in Korea
Koreans believe that ideally, they should be compassionate to each other. They may simply listen when people are in trouble and can sometimes offer to help. Koreans believe that when an acquaintance is in trouble, they should at least call to see if everything is alright. At work, supervisors may offer to help subordinates if they are in trouble. Either way, Koreans try to make sure that their "kibun", or feeling, is good. "Jeong" can be translated into "compassion".
The concept of "han" or the "han sentiment" in Korea
Koreans believe that they should endure suffering in silence. They believe they should not complain or whine when they are going through a difficult period. This concept can be difficult to understand for foreigners. For example, despite the Korean war being a modern war that many elderly Koreans experienced, the media rarely mentions this war, or any other war for that matter. Koreans also often refuse to discuss past issues that may have been problematic. Koreans also may refuse to complain if they are in a difficult situation. The best way to translate "han" could be "enduring difficult situations without complaining".
How Americans perceive Koreans
As an American, I find it very difficult to engage in intellectual conversations with Koreans. Even though I attended graduate school in Korea, there were very few students with whom I could discuss class materials or have intellectual debates. It was also difficult for me to be met with indifference when I showed off a new purchase that I made or a new idea that I had learned.
The hierarchical nature of Korean relationships can also be difficult for Americans. As an individual, I like treating everyone with respect, but as an American, I was raised to believe that I should not be dependent upon other individuals. As an American I must say that I value my independence.
Finally, the most difficult thing for most Americans to deal with is when Koreans don't keep their promises. While Christian Americans were raised to believe that lying is a sin, Confucian Koreans believe that lying is OK if it preserves harmony. Americans can thus be misled into believing things that Koreans tell them just to make them feel good.
Sources
Susan Oak, Virginia Martin, American/Korean Contrasts (Hollym, 2000)
Rob Whyte, Kyoung-Mi Kim, Living in South Korea (Pro Lingua Associates, 2006)
Raphael Sheen - I like writing about education, cultural, self-help, travel, social and political issues. Don't ask me where I'm from, there's no ...
